i dreamt of you nerd

we were all having holiday.
Dad,Mum,Jie jie, Rick, Hanson, Taj, Stella, Djafar and You...

You were wearing a two tone shirt... white tone to yellow/gold. Very Handsome, Still the nurdin i know.
You have a stern face and didn't recall any of us.

But we are in a fancy hotel...
We are all gathered in a big fancy hotel...

even if the dream wasn't perfect
i woke up, tears in my eyes
heart felt so nice to see you once again...

alot things had happen in the family since u left,
sometimes i do wonder if your still alive would it not happen to this way.
i wish i still can talk to you, ask u how to make my job now any better coz i know u can manage it so much better than me...
i wished you could teach me how to dress as classy as u
i wished you could teach me in so many other things in life and family

i wished you still here...
i wished we can actually have a family holiday with you around..
i miss you bro!

i Really do

even when we quarrel.

after some time i still wanna hear from you.
but even we cant. i will find a way to output it...

i miss you baby.

dont be my dream ?

i wan you more than a dream...

i love you so much.. to even let u go ,,,

dont let my dream to a matter of fact

i love you that much,... i wan you to my reality...

i been here in jkt for 4 years. i had so much memories...

with pple people who is here and who is not...
pple who had i lost and who are still here...
but i after i lost so much... even just two i had no one to talk to anymore...
even for the people who are there for me no offenses..

i miss the people who are gone especially my eldest brother who is in heaven

i am not tearing coz i know he is in the better place... but some how i miss how he used to tell us how much he worked hard just for us to enjoy as much as much. maybe i didnt understand that as much as taj but i know it much as much as taj hurt right beneath his heart...

no tears cant bring back the dead but i know i would bring back all the smile that i can to make my family and love ones to be happy>

im in jkt lonely and sad and im moving on to my chapter of life that maybe no one would understand why i do it.
i do it for my faily and the peopl who had loved me.
it might sound selfish for any girlfriend that that i have now

but i wish over matter of year i been tryong so hard to move on to my parents would be.
i wanna move on.. to be a better me.. future hold so much promises..
i wish my parthner would hold with me and go on life as it goes for the BETTER or WORST coz i really NEED that support. and coz i love u that much to tell u for better or worst IF its better i would let u go.. i am not a selfish person. and maybe one day i would realise that being a selfish person not gonna do u good

someone or something prove me wrong> i do consider every aspect of LIFE.

but aint so easy.

even if i dont believe in god

god please bless me

i love u row, taj, my mum and whoever once treated me better...

give me the strength i need to get tru...

we watched disney films, not disney channel.

it was sabrina the teenage witch, not wizards of waverly place.

we liked the nightmare before christmas before all this emo shit started.

it was interview with the vampire and buffy the vampire slayer before twilight.

all we do is complain...

Singaporean complaining about the haze that Indonesia made
Indonesia complains about having enough money

friends complains about their life.. how hard it is etc etc
i complain about why cant we live like what we used to be

everyone complains

ARGH shuddup and live with it.
my shoulders are getting heavy yet i still do complain lesser than you all.

bullshit.